


What A Wacky World

by StylishAndViewtiful



Category: Bugsnax (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dialogue may feel off, F/F, F/M, First real attempt at writing for fun, I dunno I'm winging this shit man, I literally just came up with it as I'm writing this, I'm using this to actually practice that, I've been sitting on this for like, If you're not okay with that you could probably skip it, M/M, MC here goes on a couple of tirades involving potential death of himself, almost a month and the length of what I have so far shows, side note, title may change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-28 23:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30147231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StylishAndViewtiful/pseuds/StylishAndViewtiful
Summary: Alex McFarlane is a simple man.He enjoys what little free time he has, and works to a decent degree.An average everyday Joe, really.Now what if we put this nice little man in a wacky island filled with food bugs and strange furry creatures?The answer?Hell if I know.Let's point and laugh at the angry Scotsman.-------------This is completely for the purpose of trying something new.I'm aiming for a bi-weekly schedule.That's once every two weeks.I'm not mental.I'm taking the writing seriously, but I'm not really arsed with treating it as if it's the holy grail of writing, it's fucking fanfiction after all.
Relationships: Eggabell Batternugget/Elizabert Megafig, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Snorpy Fizzlebean/Chandlo Funkbun, Triffany Lottablog/Wambus Troubleham
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. In Which MC Gets Game Ended And Finds Himself In Parasite Paradise

Today was not a good day.

From the moment I woke up this morning I knew things would go south.

You know, one of those days where there’s a sinking feeling in your gut that just screams that you’re not gonna have a good time?

Yeah, I woke up with that.

Morning was pretty similar to every other day, routine, nothing out of the ordinary, just on my way to the trains for my daily commute to the city, heading to university, inevitably trying to keep myself from falling asleep during lectures. 

I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off though.

I was right to think that, as it turned out.

It was my lunch break, and I was heading out to a local cafe. 

The soup was amazing, plus I always like supporting local businesses.

Unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to have it one more time.

I was waiting at a crossing when it happened.

The light had just turned green, and I started to cross, adjusting my lap[top bag so as to not end up kicking it.

Now, I assumed I would be safe, as most people in town actually obeyed traffic laws, having a good head on their shoulders. As such, I’d taken to daydreaming as I’d crossed, not very responsible of me but I felt safe.

Naturally, when you hear skidding tires while you’re crossing, it snaps you right out of it.

I wasn’t the only one crossing obviously, but unlike everyone else, I froze up. All I had time for was to turn towards the speeding vehicle.

I felt it collide, and the world began rolling.

By the time I came to a standstill, I could barely keep myself conscious. I let out a groan and tried to look down at myself.

‘Oh, that’s not how limbs are supposed to look.’

I was in a sorry state, as it turned out.

Like a switch was flipped, my body erupted in pain, and I _screamed_.

“AAAAAAAAAGH!!!”

I passed out at that point, shock overtaking my system.

And from there, all there was left for me was oblivion.

* * *

  
  
  


For a while, all I knew was darkness.

‘God that sounds really bloody edgy.’

I couldn’t really tell if I was moving at all, since literally everything was black.

All I could really do was let my thoughts ramble.

I was likely dead, after what happened.

If not, I was going to be crippled for a long time, potentially my whole life.

An exciting thought, I was thrilled to live like that.

I let out a mental sigh and just tried to ignore any more depressing thoughts.

‘Though, either I’m already dead and this is the afterlife or I’m somehow still alive…’

Like I willed it into being, a light appeared in the distance.

‘Oh, light at the end of the tunnel. Joy, I’m on the brink.’

As the light grew brighter, it became harder to see.

Unfortunately, since this was, presumably, in my mind, there were no eyelids to help me.

At least it wasn’t sore.

Before long, the light was my everything, and I could feel myself being pulled.

‘Guess that’s me leaving the mortal coil.’

Well it was fun while it lasted.

* * *

  
  
  


To my surprise, I felt myself waking up again.

My body was definitely bruised, but I actually felt all my limbs attached to more than a single tendon. I felt tired though, so I just laid there, basking in what I assumed to be the sun.

I heard the wind’s gentle rustling of the trees, and the idle chatter of… something. It definitely wasn’t a bird.

After a while, I opened my eyes to see a nice clear sky, treetops in the corner of my eye and the sun rising to its peak.

Sitting up, I noticed I was in a forest of some sort. A couple glances around told me I was nowhere near my home town, with vegetation as big as it was. 

Honestly, it was more like a jungle than anything.

Rustling behind me caught my attention, swiftly turning around, I saw nothing out of the ordinary other than strawberries on the ground.

The mere sight of them caused my gut to rumble.

‘Not exactly a liked food, but if this turns out to be a survival situation…’

I idly strolled my way to the strawberries, taking in the scenery. I almost didn’t catch the very much out of place behavior of a strawberry.

The keyword being almost.

Movement caught my gaze as I snapped my eyes to the strawberries, which were in the middle of rolling over and stood on their leaves, eyes opening, letting out a “Strabby!” almost cheerfully.

I blinked, rubbing my eyes.

‘Yep, still there.’

I slapped myself in the face to make sure.

When they didn’t disappear, I reacted appropriately.

“What in the actual-”

I was much louder than intended. Maybe it was the shock.

My yelling startled them and they began running off into the bushes, chanting “Strabby, Strabby, Strabby!” in distress.

I stared at the rustling bushes, confused as to what had occured.

‘Food animals… Where in the everloving hell am I?”

Hunger forgotten, I sat back down in the grass, losing myself in my buzzing thoughts.

‘So, I’m somewhere where there’s food that is alive, although probably not sapient… They chanted the same thing, so probably their name. I must be high.’

I was brought out of my musings with more rustling from bushes nearby, though this was distinctly noisier.

Meaning a bigger creature.

‘Here’s hoping it’s not the mama or whatever…’

I tensed, ready to run as the bushes parted.

“Filbo? Is that you? How’d you-” The voice cut themselves off as they emerged from the bushes.

I made eye contact with what looked to be an anthropomorphic creature that was very much taller than me, wearing what looked to be the stereotypical adventurer’s gear, hat and all. Their body structure was pretty similar to mine, with grey fur covering their body and having what looked to be paws instead of hands and feet. The best comparison would be almost as if a fursuit were in fact real, with the paws a bit more proportioned appropriately. The most eye-catching thing though, were the tusks.

‘Those teeth are bloody huge, holy hell.’ 

Looking closer, they kind of resembled a walrus in a way, if they walked on two legs instead.

I then realised they actually spoke.

“Oh hey, didn’t expect tae see any sapient life here, speaking my language. Uh, how ya doin’?” I greeted, trying to hide my nerves.

‘Real smooth, jackass.’

Judging from the widening of their eyes they didn’t expect me to speak.

“Holy Grump… What ARE you?” She, judging from the pitch of her voice anyway, asked in awe.

“I could ask the same, walrus person.” I shot back, resisting the urge to point. “Also, where in the hell am I?”

She seemed to compose herself with an “Ahem.” before putting her… paws? On her hips and smiling.

“My name is Elizabert Megafig, explorer of the unknown, discoverer of the uncanny. I am what’s known as a Grumpus, and you, my friend, are on Snaxtooth Island, a wondrous place filled with creatures known as Bugsnax, these creatures taste, quite simply, amazing! I assume you’ve already seen them?” Throughout her little speech she began talking towards me, ending up right in front of me where I had to look up slightly.

I was rather nervous, as you’d expect.

“Aye, I did, those little strawberry thingies… scampered off when I shouted.” I mumbled sheepishly.

“Aha, so that WAS you!” She exclaimed, smiling wide.

“Right… So uh, what’re you doing here in the middle of bum fuck nowhere?” I asked, crossing my arms.

She seemed a bit put off with my bluntness, to say the least.

“Ah, well… I’m out hunting for Bugsnax to bring back to the town we’ve established.” She explained.

I nodded, accepting that answer.

Then I realised the implications of that statement.

“Wait, we? Town? Wha?”

She let out a laugh at that, before composing herself.

“Yes, a group of us came here for a new life after I discovered Bugsnax here on this island, and now here we are, setting up the town!” She beamed.

I wasn’t all that impressed.

An awkward silence filled the air.

“A-anyway, you never did answer my question. What are you?” She asked.

“I’m a human, name’s Alex.” I said, giving a little wave.

She let out a hum, stroking their chin with a paw.

“Never heard of a human before…”

“Well I’ve never heard of a grumpus before, so hey.” I shot back.

“Say, I’ve got to ask, what are _you_ doing here?” She emphasised their question by leaning in slightly.

I had a feeling this was coming, but still…

“Well, you see… There’s no easy way tae say this, I think I died and wound up here.” I muttered out.

Another awkward silence entered the fray. Elizabert’s expression was, understandable, one of shock, her jaw parted.

It was a good ten to fifteen seconds before Elizabert spoke up again, her tone being one of disbelief.

“...What? You’re telling me you died and came here?” She sat down, raising a brow.

“Aye... Injuries were not pretty, I'll tell you.” I sat down beside her, a sad smile playing on my features.

She let out a sigh.

“You’ll forgive me for not believing you. I’ve heard some stories in my time, but no one cheats death.”

“Nah, didn’t expect you tae, but I’m telling the truth. Dinny exactly have proof beyond describing injuries vividly and I’m sure you’d like tae keep your lunch.”

She just stared at me for a moment.

“Alright… Now, what to do with you?” She asked.

I took a second to let that sentence sink in, squinting.

“What, gonna offer me to the eldritch gods or something?” I half joked, watching Elizabert for any sudden movements.

She let out a laugh and shook her head as a negative, before humming to herself.

“Hm… I could take you back to town, but the only thing to worry about is how the rest will react…” she tapped her chin with a paw.

I raised an eyebrow at that.

“They've seen sentient strawberries walk about like nothing’s off and you’re worried how they'd react tae me?” 

“That’s different, Bugsnax aren’t exactly the... smartest of the bunch, whereas you’re more like us.” She explained.

“Alright, whatever, you thinking they’d gut me or something?” I said, frowning.

“Oh grump no, I’m more worried for how some of them will react, some of them are rather… eccentric.” she placated, paws in front of her in a calming manner.

Standing up and stretching, I groaned from the feeling.

“Welp, no time like the present, right?”

She shot me an incredulous look.

“You’re seriously going to go?”

“I mean, aye? I’ve got no real options unless I want tae live in a tree or something.” I chuckled to myself.

Elizabert sighed and stood up, before walking in front of me placing her paws on my shoulders.

Her serious expression was a tad jarring, and rather uncomfortable actually.

“You can’t just walk into town and expect anything good to come out of it. Think it through. You’d probably be chased out of town before I could even do anything. We’d be better off trying to integrate you in the easiest way possible for them.” Her tone didn’t leave room for argument.

“Uh, alright… What’cha planning?” I asked tentatively.

Elizabert took on a more easy going expression, eyes soft.

“I’d say the best way to do it is that I introduce you to people I trust first, then we’ll go from there. You wait here and I’ll be back soon, we aren’t too far from town anyway.” She smiled reassuringly, before turning around. Before I could even say anything, she was already leaving through the bushes.

I stood there for a few seconds, before shrugging and taking a seat next to one of the trees.

I leaned against the rough bark, causing a bit of discomfort from the texture.

‘Just what in the fuck have I got myself into?’

I bit my lip, beginning to stew in my anxiety.

‘Okay, maybe if I can sleep some of it off I can calm down…’

I closed my eyes and tried desperately to get to sleep.

* * *

  
  
  


Wrestling against my opponent, I pushed with all my might, but I was barely budging against him. His sheer strength was overwhelming, and with his body infused with nanomachines, I wasn't even hurting him with my grip.

He let out a chuckle at my predicament, mocking my efforts.

“Come on!”

“Tch.”

“Wake up!”

“What?”

He punched me in the jaw and-

I jerked awake.

“Wha-huh-wuh!?” I exclaimed, in a daze. In my panic, I wound up slamming my head into the tree, letting out a hiss as I clutched my skull.

“Oh, geez, Lizbert, did you really have to slap them?” a voice said, concern lacing their voice.

Once the pain settled down into something manageable, I pushed myself off the tree, standing up.

“Gonna get me a fuckin’ goose egg on my head…” I mumbled to myself.

Actually looking at the visitors made me pause.

They were both distinct in their own ways, one a light blue and the other a pale white, both with varying expressions of concern on their faces. The snow coloured one looked like a doctor, judging from the hat and bag, while the other only really wore a sash with “Mayor” crudely drawn on it. The both of them lacked the tusks that Elizabert had, so they looked a lot less intimidating in comparison.

I couldn’t really tell how old they were, but the Mayor looked the youngest, which from a political point of view, seemed a bit silly, but for all I knew he was in his mid forties.

The most important thing to note, though, was their height.

‘Good lord I’m shorter than all of them.’ 

Now I wasn’t short, but I didn’t exactly break the six foot margin if you got what I meant. 

These lot broke that margin, with Elizabert easily going higher.

In short? I was a shorty and I was a little salty.

I decided to drop that thought before I got any more annoyed.

“So, these are your trusted folk, Lizzy?”

Lizzy looked a bit taken aback with the nickname.

“Lizzy?”

“Aye, Lizzy.”

The blue one let out a little laugh at that.

“Wow, Lizzy, huh? I like your style!” He smiled, raising a paw almost for a fistbump.

I just blinked back at him, confused.

I opened my mouth but before I could even begin to get a syllable out, the distinct sound of a shutter going off echoed out through the clearing.

“Uh… was that a camera?” I asked hesitantly, glancing at the others.

The three grumpuses glanced at each other, and all nodded together.

“Beffica.”

“Who?” 

Lizzy sighed and shook her head.

“We’ll explain later, we’d better make sure that she doesn’t hurt your chances.”

“Alrighty then, but I’m coming wae you this time, tree bark isnae that comfortable.” I borderline demanded.

She just nodded her head before taking off.

The other two followed swiftly, while I stumbled behind.

You’d think that with their limbs being rather thin they’d have trouble running, but no. As such, I wasn’t exactly concentrating on where exactly I put my feet, so I ended up tripping a lot.

Eventually the forest ended though, and I came to the sight of a town that was half built. Even the hanging sign was half finished, dripping a bit with paint.

In front of it was a stout purple goblin looking grumpus, camera in hand.

Clearly they were looking at the picture they took, and judging from the way their body was moving, they were having a good chuckle out of it.

Lizzy made to speak up, but I beat her to the punch, so to speak.

“Oi, you, purple!”

They snapped out of their viewing and looked back towards us.

Taking a good look at her, assuming anyway, she had that stereotypical bad girl look, swept hair to the side, condescending look on her face, relaxed posture and leaning on one leg, hand to her hip. The only article of clothing on her was a simple gold coloured heart necklace.

I was willing to bet it wasn’t even real gold.

When she caught sight of Lizzy though, she brightened up a bit.

“Oh, hey Lizbert! You done hunting yet?” She asked as if nothing was amiss.

“No, Beffica, I know you took a picture of us, I want it gone.” She said, not in the mood for playing around.

She “hid” the camera behind her back, her smile becoming more sly.

“Haha, what picture? ;0)” She said with an overexaggerated wink.

“This isn’t time for games Beffica, get rid of the picture.” She continued.

The blue one also piped up.

“Yeah, Beffica, that’s just mean.”  
  
“Zonk off squeeb, no one’s talking to you.” Her expression darkened, clearly of dislike for this guy.

‘And I thought I was brash…’ My face soured a bit.

“Beffica, how many times have we told you to not say that sort of stuff?” Lizzy said, looking very much fed up with her.

“Hm… lost count.” She brushed off, combing her hair to the side.

I’d had enough at that point.

Lizzy made to speak again, but I cut her off, stepping forward.

“Och for fuck’s sake lady, you brain dead in there or something? Delete the fuckin’ picture!” I practically growled. Beffica took a look at me, smirking. It really pissed me off, to say the obvious. 

I was tempted to just charge her and smack her right in the mug.

“Alex!” Lizzy exclaimed.

“What?” I asked, genuinely confused. “She’s got my ruddy picture! Breach of fuckin’ privacy and then some!”

Lizzy just shook her head. 

“You’re angry, but don’t lash out, it never ends well.” Was all she said, laying a paw on my shoulder.

I opened my mouth to retort, but then I actually thought about what she said.

She had a point, so I clamped my mouth shut reluctantly.

Once Lizzy was certain I wouldn't speak up again, she turned her attention back to Beffica who was twirling her hair absentmindedly.

“Beffica, please, this isn’t a request, we can’t have you risking his chances because you showed a picture of him.”

Beffica let out a hum at that, smirking.

“Maybe get me a Snakpod and I’ll get rid of it. ;0)” She kept that smirk on her face, winking again.

‘Oooooh, this bitch…’

I could physically feel my blood pressure rising, and I began to see red.

Before I could even entertain the thought of mauling her limb from limb though, paws rested on my shoulders.

Glancing behind me, I saw the white grumpus holding them, a slightly concerned look in her eyes. The blue one looked over, confusion painted on his expression.

“That grip can’t be healthy, are you alright?”

A glance at my hand confirmed that in fact it was in a complete death grip with itself. I loosened my grip and the stinging pain indicated that I pierced skin.

A drop of blood rolled down my hand and dripped off my pinky, splashing on the ground.

“Can ye tell I have anger issues?” I joked more to myself than anything.

She merely shook her head at that.

“Once this is over, I’ll treat you.”

Something told me she wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I just nodded my head.

Plus I was a bitch when it came to small injuries.

I opened my mouth, but before I could ask her name, a voice cut everyone off.

“What in tarnation is going on out here?!” A distinctly southern voice shouted out.

Thinking quickly, I hopped behind the white grumpus, using my shortness to my advantage.

Turns out it wasn’t the best option because I had to stand like she did.

I had no choice but to commit though.

“Just stay still alright?” I whispered.

I didn’t see any visible confirmation so I hoped to god that she’d got the message.

“Oh hey Wambus!” The blue grumpus greeted.

“Filbo.” Wambus, apparently, replied.

“Alright, Wambus! Just having a discussion with Beffica over here.” Lizzy said, clearly trying to get him to leave.

“Is that right? Well, I’ve got something to say to her if you don’t mind.” His tone didn’t exactly sound happy.

“Uh, hello, I’m right here!” Beffica cried out.

“Quiet you, the adults are talking.” Wambus sassed.

The stammering was oh so satisfying to hear.

“Right, well, give us a few minutes then you can talk with her, alright?”

“Alrighty, just holler when you’re done.”

With that, footsteps echoed away from us. 

“Is it alright now?” I whisper yelled.

“Not quite, he’s waiting nearby.” The white one whispered back.

“Well hurry the fuck up then! I’m getting cramps here! And my hand’s fuckin’ sore!”

“Right, Beffica, I’ll get you your Snakpod, just delete the picture first.”

“Hm… alright, but only because you’re actually trustworthy.” Beffica finally relented.

“Thank you Beffica, and please, don’t tell anyone about this yet. We’re almost ready to introduce him to everyone.”

“Alright, but I expect something nice.” Beffica agreed, with a hint of reluctance.

With that, the crisis was averted.

“Aight, can we walk away from this now before I get arthritis in every joint I have?”

“You complain a lot don’t you?” The white one said, turning around slowly enough for me to match her silhouette.

“Not normally, it’s just that this is some shit I’m in.”

With nothing else holding me back, once we reached the entrance of the forest I stopped crab walking forwards.

“Alright, now that I’m not defying my posture, what the hell are we gonna dae about this?” I asked.

“I’ll get her the Snakpod and then I’ll call a town meeting where we’ll introduce you as calmly as we can.” Lizbert decided.

“And I’m supposed tae sit wae my thumb up my arse until then?” I retorted, not at all okay with leaving my fate to a stranger.

“Well, if you want you can help me find a Snakpod.” She offered.

I took a second to consider the offer, before sighing.

“... Well it’s something at least.” I shrugged.

* * *

  
  
  


We wound up walking back through the forest again, and after a few minutes we came to the other end.

Quite simply, the place was beautiful, a waterfall in the distance watching the sun’s rays, the local wildlife running about happily, even the fauna here reflected the eye catching beauty.

Lizzy let out an “Ahem.”, catching my attention. She looked at me with a smile, knowing exactly what I was doing.

“This is Flavour Falls, have a look around, and try to find a Snak on a wall, it shouldn’t move even when you approach it, they’re just hard to find.” Lizzy explained.

“Aight, I’ll holler if I find one.” I nodded. With that, we went our separate ways, looking for Bugsnax.

The other two, Filbo and Eggabell, as I found out, went back to town to keep things going while we went out.

The area wasn’t too big, as it turned out. Within fifteen minutes I’d explored every major area with nothing of note.

Didn’t mean it wasn’t nice to wander about though. Especially whenever the Bugsnax were near.

It seemed that for every three of one I ran into there was a new one, all based on a food you could find within five minutes at a supermarket.

Like I’d suspected, they called out their name repeatedly like some form of mantra.

The amount of times I heard “Bunger Bunger Bunger!” was astounding considering I’d only seen two of them, I’d lost track after fifty.

The cute little things just didn’t shut up, it was adorable.

I wandered back to the waterfall, likely the reason this part of the island was named, taking a few moments to appreciate the beauty of it all.

Unfortunately, because of the eye catching beauty, I didn’t hear a stray Bunger nearby begin to charge me, chanting its name excitedly.

I couldn’t even turn around in time.

I was knocked right into the freezing cold water, gasping as the chills hit me. Groaning, I pushed myself up from the rushing water, facing the waterfall.

‘Huh? Is that…?’ There was something behind the waterfall, and curiosity got the better of me.

I didn’t bother trying to stop my clothes from getting any more soaked, and wadded my way towards the waterfall. Didn’t mean I liked it though.

“All of this faffing about for one Snax…” I groaned.

Reaching the end of the river, I grimaced as the splashing of the water hit me, soaking through my soggy clothes and onto my skin.

‘Well, let’s just go for it…’

With that, I sprinted through the waterfall, completely soaking myself from head to toe.

‘Well, my chances of hypothermia just went up to a guarantee…’ I groaned as I looked at how drenched I was. A stinging from my palm indicated that my injury did not agree to what just happened. I hissed, shaking my hand.

‘Good god that stings like a bitch…’

I shivered, rubbing my arms to heat myself up as I entered the mini cave.

There wasn’t too much to note at first, as I didn’t have a light source, but as my eyes adjusted to the dark a bit better I began to notice etchings on the far back cave wall.

Approaching the mural, it depicted figures surrounding a rather large creature, indistinguishable due to the wear and tear over the years, but it was probably a Snak of some kind.

It looked as if they were worshipping it, honestly, with the way their arms were raised. Not the strangest thing in the world, but I wouldn’t exactly be worshipping food that moved about chanting their name. On instinct, I searched my pockets for my phone, and to my surprise I did find it. Of course, since I just ran into a waterfall it was dripping wet, not turning on.

‘Mayce I can dry it off later… Get tae listen tae music or something.’ I hoped. I deliberately pocketed it into an inside pocket of my jacket this time.

Scratching my stubble, I glanced around the cave for any similar murals, only to see cold, dank cave walls.

I shrugged, and made to leave when rustling above me caught my attention, I looked up to see what looked to be a bag of something with googly eyes on it, hiding in the dark. It even had a generic picture of a crisp on it. Or would it be chip, here?

‘Guess that’s a Snak of some kind… it’s nae running away, so maybe it’s the Snakpod?’

I jumped up slightly to test my reach, and sure enough I could grab it. Jumping higher to secure my grip on it, I pulled it down with me, looking at it.

It let out a “Snakpod!” in response to its capture, but otherwise just sat there, staring at me.

“Cute lil guy aren'tcha?” I commented, before pocketing it. “Least I found ya, not sure why anyone would want tae eat something that stares back at ya…” Like it responded, it moved about in my pocket, smacking my leg a bit.

With nothing else of interest, I turned back to the waterfall. Grimacing, I braced myself, sprinting through the waterfall.

I damn near fell over from the force of the water, but I managed to push through, wading through the water again. One hop and a skip later, I was back on dry land, utterly soaked to the bone. I just hoped my phone wasn’t fried.

‘Best find Ol’ Lizzy, that way I can actually sleep in a bed tonight.’

Standing up and shaking myself off, grumbling all the while, I started the trek back through Flavour Falls to hunt for the furry walrus.

The squelching of my shoes and socks was very uncomfortable, to say the obvious.

After a good fifteen minutes of wandering around still dripping wet, I ran into her, as she was climbing down from a tree.

“Oh geez, mate, what happened to ya?” She asked.

“Found your Snakpod behind the waterfall, I’m soaked tae all hell but I got it.” I reached into my back pocket, pulling it out and extending it out for her to take.

She grabbed the Snakpod, looking impressed that I’d caught something.

‘Aye, very hard finding a thing that stays completely still in a cold cave.’ I kept that wisely to myself.

“Oh, wondrous mate! Now, let’s get you into town, get you dried off, yeah? You look miserable, let me tell you!” She laughed a bit, to which I rolled my eyes.

“Aye, I feel it too.” She just laughed harder.

* * *

  
  
  


Coming back to town, we arrived at a situation.

We’d come to a stop at the tree line so as to not interrupt, but very quickly we realised something needed to be done.

I counted at least six grumpuses, all with various expressions of annoyance, except for one.

Filbo, who looked rather nervous.

My interest peaked at that. If only my phone wasn’t wet, I could have recorded it for later.

‘God I’m beginning to sound like that Beffica girl…’

“Ugh, wait here, please, I need to deal with this.” Lizzy grumped, making her way from the tree line.

“Aight, try and not murder someone now.” I joked.

As Lizzy began trekking from the treeline, something rather distressing caught my eye.

Things were only getting more and more intense in the argument, and though Filbo wasn’t crying, I could tell he was upset from the verbal lashing.

The moment Lizzy showed up though, any arguments stopped and they quietened down.

Filbo looked happy as all hell to see her.

She began talking, presumably questioning what was going on. A particularly short grumpus wearing a hat of some kind seemingly exploded, borderline shouting at Filbo, who looked almost shameful at the verbal abuse.

Lizzy, to her credit, managed to quiet down the explosive grumpus rather quickly, but that wasn’t the end of it. A tall, dark blue grumpus wearing a hat typical of a farmer said something which aggravated the stout pink one, causing them to almost lash out against the farmer. Lizzy had to straight up get in between them to stop them from going at it.

If it weren’t for Lizzy standing in the way, I doubt this would have ended well.

Lizzy seemingly worked her magic after that, talking with each individual and calming them down quickly, and quite frankly I couldn’t look away with how effective she was at it.

It was amazing how well she was respected here.

Once they began to split off, I went back behind the treeline, waiting for Lizzy to come fetch me.

Leaning against a tree, I frowned a bit to myself.

I had concerns over Filbo.

If someone was getting surrounded like that, they weren’t all that liked, to say the least.

But from what little I saw of him, he seemed nice enough.

‘Just what is it that you’re doing that’s pissing them off, Filbo?’ I questioned, idly scratching myself.

A few minutes of thought later, I heard footsteps approaching me. I assumed it was Lizzy, so I didn’t bother hiding.

“Now, mind telling me why you were watching us from over here, varmint?” a distinctly southern voice drawled out.

That was my mistake as it turned out.

I turned sharply to see the tallest grumpus I’d seen so far. The guy easily passed seven feet, and then some. I only just came up to about his chest, and that was with the slight terrain difference in my favour. Up close his fur seemed a bit unkempt, sticking out a bit under the flannel jacket he was wearing, with a poof of it in the center. His tusks, while not as big as Lizzy’s were still sharp looking, coming out from the bottom of his jaw instead of the top.

My observations were clearly noticed, judging from the stink eye he gave me.

“Uh…” I blinked in shock. I was caught completely caught off guard, not expecting to deal with another grumpus so soon.

Obviously, I don’t deal well with pressure.

“Well? Spit it out, or I’ll drag ya to the others! I know you can talk, I saw you with Lizbert!” He shouted.

My gut dropped at that.

“Uh, well, uh… Lizzy over there was planning on introducing me tae you lot once some things were sorted, then we walked in on that over there. As for watching you, I just got curious, didn’t hear what anyone said.” I hastily explained. 

Despite my efforts, this guy did not look too pleased.

“Uh huh. Well how about we introduce you now then, eavesdropper?” With that, he grabbed my arm and started pulling. I knew better than to struggle, so I just sighed and followed.

Besides, his grip was strong as hell for only having three digits.

Coming to the entrance of the town, the big guy called out to Lizzy, catching everyone’s attention. When she realised that I’d been caught, she shot me a look.

I just shrugged meekly in reply. 

“This fella here claims that they know ya, and that you were helping them, is that right?” The big guy drawled out, shoving me out in front of him.

“Aight, no need tae act like I’m a dumbass…” I moaned.

The collective gasps that weren’t Filbo or Eggabell wasn’t surprising.

Lizzy let out a sigh, shaking her head.

“Yes, Wambus, I’m helping him get settled, I just wanted to check if he was capable out there.” She explained.

“Well he’s certainly capable of watching conversations he doesn’t have any right to!” Wambus shouted.

“Excuse me for being curious about furry creatures yelling!” I snapped back, glaring at the farmer. “Curiosity is almost literally in my species’ DNA, ya dafty.” 

“Alright, alright, you two, calm down before you say something you’ll regret.” Lizzy interjected.

I glanced at Wambus, who kept his mouth shut, though he was giving me a helluva glare to compensate. I just tipped an invisible hat in return.

“How interesting, another species, on this island… I must experiment.” A purple grumpus with a bow tie and thick rimmed goggles said, as if they weren’t implying that they weren’t going to treat me like a lab rat.

“Oh aye sure, experiment on the clearly sentient creature that very much opposes what you’re implying, cheers for that.” I deadpanned, crossing my arms. 

They just rolled their eyes and scoffed a bit.

By now there were other grumpuses joining the crowd, bringing the total to at least ten.

“I say, what’s going on here?” A rather tall yellow grumpus asked, adjusting their glasses.

“Yeah, dawg, there’s never a crowd like this!” Another said, though I couldn’t see them since I was quite simply surrounded by a variety of colours and heights.

There were mumblings of agreement from those who weren’t in the front, clearly wanting answers.

“Oh Jesus Louisus this is a, uh… a pickle indeedio.” I laughed awkwardly, glancing towards Lizzy, who looked surprisingly used to this.

“Alright everyone, quiet down! I understand you have questions, and we’ll get to them, but at least let him introduce himself, and not act like an angry mob.” She demanded, slamming a fist down into her paw for emphasis. 

Once they quietened down, Lizzy gestured to me, an expectant look on her face.

“Uh, right… Hi, name’s Alex, uh, I’m a human, twenty six, single and ready tae mingle, and uh… I have literally no clue how I got here?” I ended light-heartedly. At the complete lack of reaction, I sighed. “God I’m not funny at all.”

“Mm, yes, quite. If you’re done meandering I have some questions I’d like you to answer, if you’re capable of intelligent discussion.” The purple smartass called, expression a little too errie for my liking.

“Uh, will this somehow violate any rights I have and/or the safety of my testicles?” I chuckled nervously, tugging at my collar.

They let out a rather malicious chuckle at that. “I can’t promise the safety of your genitalia.”

I gulped, and turned away from the psychopath in a muppet costume, hoping to god that they were joking. 

“Right, anyone else liable tae castrate me?” I asked with a strained smile. 

Bits of muttering started up, the grumpuses that I could see glancing at each other.

Before long though, one spoke up, spreading their arms out.

“One who is me, the Great Shelda, welcomes you with open arms into our town of humble beginnings! One who is me will gladly guide you through the temptations of the Toxins, which seek to taint your body!” A rather old, frail looking grumpus shouted boisterously, almost demanding my attention from their volume and demeanor alone.

I couldn’t even comprehend what they were talking about.

There were mumblings of agreement, some much more enthusiastic than others, which then lapsed into a silence, everyone staring at me.

I glanced at Lizzy, who shrugged.

“Well? Any riveting questions?” I asked, raising a brow.

Again there were mumblings, but no one spoke up.

‘Either they all want tae ask in private, or they've really got none…’

“Well, if there’s nothing else, I gotta go pee, uh, there an outhouse here or something? Public bathrooms, anything?” 

Filbo spoke up eagerly.

“Oh, follow me, I’ll show you where it is!” he beamed.

The crowd parted enough for Filbo to squeeze through, so I followed suit.

‘Today’s been wild as all hell.’


	2. Wow Some People Here Have Issues.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lovely resident arsehat gets to... "bond" with some of the residents of this hellhole of emotional problems.

A little while later, once everyone was sure I wasn’t liable to shank them in their sleep or something, I found myself wandering around the town, taking in the sights of all the half built houses with little signs with names in front of them. One even had a little doodle depicting two grumpuses holding hands.

It was adorable really.

The town was rather small right now though, barely even reaching a minute’s walk, so I sat down near what looked to be a campfire, just appreciating the scenery and atmosphere of… whatever this place was.

‘I really need to learn the name of this place.’

Focusing back to the campfire, I wished I could start it up to dry myself off, but I didn’t have the tools on me.

“Oh goodness, you’re sitting out here alone?” A voice asked.

Startled, I almost fell off the log, were it not for someone catching me from behind.

“Easy there, don’t want to end up cracking your skull open.” a dark green grumpus said, a kind smile on their face. I couldn’t see too much, what with them being upside down to me and all, but they wore a hat that kind of reminded me of Indiana Jones of all things. 

“Dinny think that’d happen but hey, what dae I know?” I said as they pushed me upright, before taking a seat beside me. “What’s your name? I don’t remember seeing you when I got crowded earlier.”

“Oh, I wasn’t there, I was up in the Scorched Gorge, I’m working on a dig site, you see. I’m Triffany Lottablog, pleased to meetcha.” She extended a paw out, grinning.

I met her paw, gripping it loosely.

“Same tae you, name’s Alex, though you probably already knew that.” I smiled as we shook appendages. 

Glancing over her, she was a tall grumpus, a dark green with a cheerful expression on her face. Idly, I noted that her fur had a gradient to it, getting darker the lower down her body. 

‘Come to think of it, most of them have that gradient, I think…’ I rubbed my chin.

I made eye contact with Triffany, and it seemed she had the same idea as me, taking in my appearance.

“Gosh, you wear a lot of clothing… Is it because of your lack of fur?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Eh… Yes…” I mumbled, flushing up a bit. Triffany looked curious, but I very much did not want to go down that road to a complete stranger.

Desperate to change the topic, I caught sight of the state of her clothes and I took the opportunity.

“Say, what’s with the dust on you?” I gestured with a wave of my hand. Triffany widened her eyes, grinning.

“Oh, I'm an archaeologist, it gets rather messy when you’re digging through rocks. I came here to truly find out what happened to everyone that’s ever come to this island once and for all. This place has a bad reputation for ships going missing, ya know!” She explained, a grin on her face. About what, I wasn’t sure.

“So, this place is similar tae the Bermuda Triangle in that regard then…” I mused. She tilted her head, so I explained. “The Bermuda Triangle is… a  _ loosely  _ defined area in the shape of, well, a triangle, obviously, where ships frequently disappeared in mysterious circumstances. There's been a lot of debate whether that place is actually cursed, but for the most part it’s just a giant cesspool of conspiracies, y’know, aliens, and the like.”

She looked intrigued. “Gosh, sounds awfully interesting… think of the history there just waiting to be found! No doubt the corpses there have a story to tell, just  _ dying _ to share!” She grinned widely, very clearly aware of what she said.

“Riiight…” I agreed, a little put off by the pun. ‘Got a punny lady here, and one with a darker taste, it seems.’

“Gosh, though, Wambus was right, there really is a new species here!” Triffany looked like a kid who was offered to meet with the real Santa Claus with the way she was looking at me.

“Wambus, huh? Guy needs to take a chill pill, I swear....” I grumped.

Triffany let out a little chuckle. “Yes, he’s always been a bit stubborn and grumpy… But that stubbornness is partly why I found myself with him.” She had a far off look in her eyes, staring into the logs of the unlit campfire.

I sat in silence for a moment, chewing the inside of my mouth.

“He’s your husband?” I asked tentatively. She nodded in response, an almost sad look in her eyes.

“We’ve been a bit distant lately because of my work… It’s not the first time this has happened, but since we’ve got here we’ve only really seen each other an hour or so before we sleep. On top of that, we’ve been fighting a bit more recently...” She sighed. “Well, no point in dwelling! I’ll leave ya be.” With a smile, she stood up and walked off, presumably in the direction of Wambus.

“Talk about tonal whiplash....” I joked, staring into nothing. “Hope that isn’t a running theme, though, I dinny want tae be the resident therapist.” I sighed to myself.

* * *

After a bit, Lizzy came round and started up the campfire, and as the night went on, only a few grumpuses showed up.

I recognised most of them, Filbo, Eggabell and the like, but one was rather unexpected, considering the time and her likely age.

She was the older grumpus from before, decked out in a flower wreath and a little nick nack necklace, composed of beads, teeth and eyes. It even had a little peace sign.

I debated whether or not to ask her about the googly eyes and teeth, but for the sake of my sanity I refrained from doing so.

She ended up taking up most of the conversation with her preachings though.

I just wished I wasn’t the focal point.

“You, who have been lost on this island, have remained pure despite the Toxins temptations, are what the rest of us all should strive to be! Mother Naturae, who is wise and powerful, is impressed with your perseverance through it all!” she exclaimed, pointing at me with what could only be described as proud jealousy.

I blinked.

“I have no idea what you just said.” I was completely straight-faced.

She sagged at my dismissal, before trying to compose herself.

“Eeeh… It is clear that, despite your accomplishment, you require more guidance. I, the Great Shelda, will gladly take you under my wing and help you learn the truth of the foul Toxins, and welcoming the light of Mother Naturae!” She offered, extending a paw out.

I just pinched the bridge of my nose, too tired to care. “Whatever, lady, you do you.”

Her expression soured a bit, mumbling something under her breath, sounding distinctly out of character. Everyone else had a little chuckle out of our little comedy routine, much to Shelda’s annoyance.

I just yawned some more.

A few minutes later, after fighting to keep my head from dropping down and falling face first into the fire, I stood up, catching everyone’s attention.

“Right, it’s about time I should sleep, I can barely keep awake as is.” I rubbed my eyes, yawning a bit.

Lizzy let out an “Oh!” before standing up as well.

“Wait here for a minute, I’ve got something for you.” With that, she rushed off.

Standing there awkwardly, idly tapping a foot and looking at an invisible watch was fun.

Evidently, everyone else couldn’t keep a conversation going, as they all stared at me.

“Oh don’t mind me, pretend I’m not here.” I bit my lip a bit.

They did not take the hint, just staring awkwardly between each other and me.

I just fidgeted in response.

Thankfully, Lizzy came back quickly, carrying what looked to be a tent in her arms, along with a rolled up sleeping bag.

“Sorry about that, I know how tired you must be. Here, it’s a spare tent. Someone else used it, but they’re got a hut now, one of the first built.” She handed it to me, smiling.

“Cheers for that. I guess I’ll see you in the morning?” I asked.

“Oh, maybe. I tend to leave quite early on so I can get as much catching done as possible.” With that, she yawned. “Speaking of, we should all think about turning in, it’s been a long day.”

“Aye. Well, see ya, better find a spot where the tent’ll not be intrusive.” Again, Lizzy stopped me before I could get going.

She pointed just down the dirt path, where nothing was set up yet.

“That there’ll do, mate, no one’s gonna build there for quite some time.” I nodded in thanks.

Once I began walking to the spot, activity started up behind me as the rest of them began leaving the campfire.

Having done Scouts when I was a wee boy, I knew how to set up a tent relatively quickly. That didn’t mean there weren't any issues though.

Enter exhibit A, myself trying to slide a support rod through the tent with minimal light source.

“Fuck’s sake, go in the hole!” I shouted in frustration, trying not to rip the tent apart with the rod.

Once I realised what I said, and that I was faffing about at what had to be at least eleven o’clock at night over a tent, I really began to question my mental state.

Much yelling was done in the space of the fifteen minutes setting up the tent. Eventually though, I was hunky dorey.

With no more faffing about to be done, and after ensuring it wouldn’t fall apart, I entered the tent, rolling out the sleeping bag and slipping off my shoes.

It was pretty comfortable, all things considered, although the sleeping bag could have gone without the strands of fur.

* * *

  
  
  


‘Never thought I’d see a mountain of donkeys in my dreams, but there we go...’ I groaned as I unzipped the sleeping bag, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Crawling out on the tent, the splashing of freezing rain on my skin woke me up faster than any coffee I had in my life. 

It also chilled me to my core. Suddenly, being a grumpus sounded much more appealing.

“Well look who’s up!” a voice called. A glance to the side told me it was Eggabell, who was grinning at me. “It’s about time, it’s past noon!”

“Huh. Guess I’m a lazy bastard.” I shrugged, zipping up the tent. “How ya doin’, Eggy?”

She quirked a brow. “Eggy?”

I shrugged. “Dae I need tae say it like last time?”

She just sighed and turned away, accepting her fate.

I coughed to catch her attention, and when she looked back my way I asked. “So what’s on the agenda today? Any work for me tae dae?”

Eggy looked at me sharply. “I need to see your hand first, then we can discuss work.”

Instinctually, I pulled up my hand, glancing at the injury.

‘Ooft. That ain’t pretty.’ I grimaced.

“Are you coming or not?” She borderline demanded.

There was no room for argument. I shrugged and followed her to her little medical tent. 

The place was rather cramped, with the supplies that I could see thrown haphazardly across a table off to the side, with another, smaller table in the center, completely barren.

“Alright, let me just get the first aid kid…” She said.

Gesturing for me to sit on the table, she began rummaging through supplies.

Hopping up onto said table, I glanced around the tent, taking in the messy yet organised structure of it. Eggy evidently took notice of my observations as she spoke.

“Sorry about the mess, but we’re still getting this set up.” She explained, pulling out a first aid kit. Even in another… wherever I was, first aid kids looked the same.   
  
“Och, I’m not that bothered. If anything it gives the place a wee bit of charm.” I shrugged, smiling.

Eggy gestured for me to show her the injury, so I obliged.

My water plunge yesterday had washed off any blood, leaving only the scab and bits of dirt from trying to set up the tent yesterday that I hadn’t wiped off.

“Alright, just give me a second to clean this up…” Eggy pulled a wipe out from a box beside her, cleaning my hand, much to my discomfort.

When she began wiping away at the cut, though, I hissed in pain, almost pulling away.

“Oh, it’s not that bad, quit your shifting.” She told me, gripping my hand a bit tighter.

I just bit my lip.

Once she was done, she discarded the wipe, opening the first aid container for supplies. I shook my hand in reaction to the stinging pain of the wipe, grumbling.

By the time the pain faded, she gripped my hand again, applying a healthy amount of an ointment of some kind, rubbing it in a bit before wrapping a bandage a couple times over the cut.

“A tad excessive for a papercut, don’t you think?” I grumbled. At the stern look shot my way, I kept any further comments to myself.

“Who’s the doctor here?” Was all she said, fastening the bandage.

I just let out an indifferent grunt, ultimately not that bothered. Once he was certain there wasn’t going to be running commentary, she spoke up again.

“Alright, I just need to check that it’s sticking properly, then you’re free to go.”

And so, over the next few minutes, what entailed was Eggy poking and prodding my hand, testing my movements and ensuring the bandage stayed on without constraining my movement.

Then she started messing around a bit with my fingers.

I chuckled a bit.

“What happened tae keepin’ the bandage on?” I asked. I had a feeling I knew the answer, but there wasn’t any harm in asking for the fun of it. Conversation is a great thing, after all.

Eggy looked startled, then bashful. “Uh, well… It's just your hands' structure, it’s similar to ours, but at the same time, so much better in gripping things. Plus, your digits are longer. From a medical perspective, it’s fascinating.” She went on, rubbing her head sheepishly.

I chuckled a bit at this. “Lass, your paws ain’t too much different.”

She swiftly changed the subject, glancing away with her fur sticking up a bit. “Well either way, you’re fine, just give it a few days to heal. Don’t hesitate to come my way if you’re hurt, you hear me?” She demanded, poking me in the chest.

“Gotcha, Eggy.” I nodded. “So, uh, real quick, if you don’t mind me asking, what brought you tae this island?” I asked, tilting my head in her direction.

She let out a hum to herself, before nodding. “I always go with Lizbert, Grump knows what’d happen to her without me there to help her whenever she gets hurt. Not that it happens often, but… I like to travel with her.” She trailed off, looking to the side, fur doing its thing again. I blinked, coming to a realisation.

“She’s special tae you. I won’t pry, but hey, you two fit.” I grinned.

“Oh, we’ve been together for a while already, but thank you.” She looked at me, genuinely happy with my acceptance.

“You’re welcome, Eggy. Least you found someone unlike me, eh?” I nudged her with an elbow, raising my eyebrows.

We shared a laugh at that.

“Well, I’d say you’re fit for work either way, just don’t go and make it worse somehow and you’ll be fine. You should go see Chandlo, he’s the grumpus with the muscles. He’ll probably poach you a job.” Eggy gestured in a shooing motion. I did a little salute, and exited the tent with a “Ta, Eggy!”.

With a new goal in mind, I began searching.

“Okay, Chandlo, Chandlo, Chandlo… Where  _ would  _ you find a big muscly grumpus?” I mumbled to myself, scratching my chin. “Eh, I’ll just ask around. Good to be socialising.”

It didn’t take long to run into another grumpus. This guy seemed like the odd one out though.

For one, he looked sleazy. I’m not normally one to judge based off of looks but when you’re crimson red, have a look to your eyes that screams “I am going to scam you and I am going to enjoy it.”, and are hunched over slightly, all the while you’re stealing the look of Danny DeVito AKA The Motherfucking Trashman, you know you look like a loan shark.

No offense to Danny DeVito, of course.

He had a little stand set up, sign reading “Cromdo-Mart”, complete with a little dollar sign and a toddler’s drawing of the guy. The stall had a couple of mugs laid out, alongside some other knick knacks that were probably stolen.

‘Ten quid says his name is Cromdo.’ 

“Oh, it’s you.” He even sounded like an imitation of Danny Devito, it seemed. 

“Aye, it’s me. You see a Chandlo around? Apparently ripped to shit, probably a giga chad, you know?” I asked, praying to god that it wasn’t him.

He looked a bit confused for a moment, before a look settled into his eyes, placing his paws on his hips.

“Eeeh, I might’ve, if ya do me a solid I’ll tell ya.” He smirked a bit, squinting.

‘Another ten quid says what he’s gonna ask is illegal.’ I joked.

“Dare I even bother?” I droned, idly picking at my nails.

“Listen, it’ll benefit the both of us pal! I’m the brains, you’re the brawn, yeah?” He looked at me hopefully.

Unfortunately, for him anyway, I liked keeping my nose clean.

“Aight, I’ll ask elsewhere.” I turned around, walking away. His sputtering was hilarious, but I didn’t pay him any mind.

I didn’t even make it ten steps before a cough caught my attention. The purple psychopath was to my right, looking less than impressed.

Getting a closer look at them truly showed the difference a little brushing could make. Their fur looked very much unkempt, sticking out in odd places, and their claws weren’t exactly neat, to say the least. Judging from the bloodshot eyes with bags under them, they didn’t sleep often, if at all, but I wasn’t about to comment on it.

I valued my life after all.

“If you’re looking for that green meathead, you’ll likely find him with my buffoon of a brother up nearby where their hut is supposed to be. They’ve been working together on it for a while.” They answered, pointing down where I was heading. 

‘I can’t even tell what they’re thinking…’ I thought to myself, blanching.

“Uh… Thanks, I guess.” I nodded with uncertainty.

“Hmph. Thank me by answering my questions when you’re done with pointless pleasantries.” Was all they said, turning their back to me, returning to what they were doing. I started a bit at them, biting my lip again.

‘Honestly, they scare me…’ I shivered. I couldn’t dwell on it though, I had a “green meathead” to see.

Sure enough, after heading down to the first turn and taking a look around, I saw a pair of grumpuses of two very different statutes working on building one of the huts, talking animatedly with each other. 

The tall yellow one said something in particular that left the shorter yet absolutely fucking ripped green one at a complete standstill for a moment.

He let out a loud “Snorp-dawg!” with a grin on his face, rushing the yellow one and giving him a particularly tight hug.

Seeing that this was an intimate moment, I turned away and waited nearby to at least give them some privacy.

‘Nice to see couples happy together though.’ I smiled a bit. About half a minute later, I glanced over and they were back to getting work done on their house. I stood up and walked over, not quite able to wipe the smile off my face.

“Oi, one of you Chandlo?” I asked, catching their attention. 

The taller, yellow one looked at me suspiciously. “And who’s asking?” He leaned forward, seemingly inspecting me for whatever reason. I met his staring with one of my own, smiling easily.

“Heyo, it’s me, twenty six year old monkey man, Alex, nice to finally meetcha.” I greeted with an exaggerated wink and finger guns.

Lanky Glasses didn’t look all that impressed, letting out a scoff. Muscle McJock though let out a little laugh at my antics.

“Bro, you’re the creature everyone’s been talking about! I’m Chandlo Funkbun!” He extended a paw out, which I met in stride. Naturally, with his muscles, his grip was hellishly strong.

“Hm. And who sent you, my dear  _ friend _ ?” Skinny McGee’s deliberate exaggeration of the word friend suggested otherwise. I so badly wanted to snap back at him, but I refrained for the sake of civility. Chandlo seemed nice, after all.

“Eggy sent me, and your uh… Sibling? I’m gonna go with sibling. Anyway, they directed me here. I’m here for work, don’t want to sit on my arse all day.” I went on, catching the attention of Chandlo.

“Bro, you hear that, Snorp-Dawg? An extra pair of paws!” He exclaimed excitedly, while “Snorp-Dawg” looked on reluctantly. 

“Oh, Chandlo, always so trusting…” Was all he said. Chandlo looked like he was proud of that though, and the yellow grumpus had a small smile on his face too, so it looked like they’d accepted this about each other.

“It’s why I have you, Snorp-Dawg.” He replied, almost tenderly. One glance between the two of them told me exactly how they saw each other.

Or at least I hoped it was the case, otherwise this was going to be extremely awkward.

More importantly, though...

“Right, uh, I’d rather not get potentially castrated by the psychopath in purple anytime today, mind giving me something to do? Even just hauling shit would be fine.” I tried not to show the pleading in my expression, but judging from the pitying look in Snorp or whatever’s face, it didn’t go to plan.

Didn’t stop him from turning me away though, the fuckin’ arsehole.

“We don’t need any help here, thank you.” Yellow grumped, turning back around to the hut they were working on.

I sent a less than pleasant look at his back, before wiping it off with a grumble.

Chandlo glanced at me sympathetically, before widening his eyes.

“I know! We’re fine here, bro, but maybe you could help Wambus down at his farm! Grump knows he’s stubborn though, so you may need to convince him, dawg.” Chandlo said, nodding to me.

“Aye, guy seems abrasive, tae say the feckin’ least…” I mumbled, looking to the side. “Better than that nutter, though. They give me the heeby jeebies…” I shivered, before smiling. “Well, either way, I’ll be out of your… fur, and leave you two lovebirds to it!” I teased, winking to Snorp Guy.

I finally figured out what the hell the fur thing was, at least. It was embarrassment, as Lanky Johnson pointedly looked everywhere but where Chandlo was, who was laughing his arse off, all the while he stammered out something about being “just friends.”

Not that I believed that, mind you.

“I’m jokin’ pal, see ya.” With another mock salute, I made my way back down the dirt path, Chandlo letting out a “See ya, bro!” between laughing fits as I left.

And so I found myself on another hunt for another Grumpus. At least I knew what he looked like, and a farm was relatively easy to find in a small settlement like this.

‘Hopefully he doesn’t gut me or something…’

  
  


* * *

As it turned out, Wambus did not like me.

No clue why, honestly, I was a stand up guy.

As such, he did not want my help with his sauce crops, meaning I was stuck faffing about outside his farm for a bit.

When I found out he was farming sauce, I had a little chuckle, admittedly. Maybe that’s part of why he didn’t like me.

Still though, when you realise that the sauce that was growing looked very much like a generic ketchup bottle, you could excuse me for having a giggle.

So instead of working with him on his crops, I watched from the fencing, not saying anything, much to his discomfort.

“You just gonna stand there all day?” Wambus asked, side eyeing me as he worked.

“Aye, not much else to do since no one’s needing help.” I shrugged.

I was lying obviously, I only really met three grumpuses today.

I was just getting lazy.

He just sighed and made to keep working, before turning back at me, still stoic.

“I’ve never heard your accent before, where you from, stranger?” He asked bluntly.

“Uh, is Scotland not a thing here? Or an equivalent, anyway?” I joked, but his expression did not change. “Judging from that, that’s a no, then. I’m Scottish. I have a Scottish accent, I dae Scottish things like piss about, have a bit of banter, have a drink at the pub wae the lads.” I smiled a bit at my poor joke, as Wambus merely lowered his hat, grumbling to himself, before going back to his crops.

There was silence for a bit, before footsteps started approaching us rather rapidly. Wambus glanced off to the side, and grimaced.

“Gramble.”

A noticeably higher voice that sounded like it barely came out of puberty replied beside me.

“Wambus Troubleham, you’ve been eating my little ones again haven’t you?!” I turned to see that stout pink grumpus from before glaring at the farmer.

Idly, I noted that he was wearing a sweater, which was more than what most of the others wore.

‘I need to get my eyes checked, I could’ve sworn that wasn’t there before… Maybe it blended in with his fur or something.’ I mused, before tuning back into the conversation.

“Now why would I go and do that, now that Lizbert is huntin’ ‘em?” Wambus replied coolly, frowning at Gramble.

“I know you have! They’ve up and disappeared, and you’ve been out for me since day one!” Gramble shouted angrily, somehow looking intimidating with his cutesy looking hat.

Maybe it was the teeth. He did kind of look like a rat after all.

I wisely kept that to myself.

“Hmph, maybe if you weren’t obsessed with those  _ pests _ you call your “little ones'', then maybe you’d realise that I’m not out for you, and instead minding my own damn business!” Wambus growled, leaning down slightly to meet Gramble’s eyes.

‘Holy hell, a curse word.’ I blinked in shock. ‘Never knew they had it in them.’

Despite the fact that he was very clearly shorter than Wambus, Gramble had a vicious snarl. The rage in his eyes was akin to brimstone and hellfire, and it wasn’t even directed at me.

“Uhhh... “ I let out, catching Wambus’ attention. “Is this, uh, something personal? Should I just, uh, let you two sort it out?” I asked, already backing away.

Wambus at least had the decency to look sheepish. “Sorry stranger, Gramble was just leaving.” He said, giving a rather hostile look to said grumpus.

Needless to say, he did not look pleased.

“Like grump I am! I’ve got my eye on you Wambus, if you come near my little ones again I’ll make you regret it!” His expression was one of pure unbridled rage, and to be honest, it scared me. Even Wambus looked taken aback by this reaction.

“Ooft.” Was all I said. When Gramble glanced back to me, it was like all the anger in his system was replaced by shock, almost looking scared of  _ me _ .

“O-Oh, you’re that creature that Lizbert brought back…” He was like an entirely different person now that he realised that I was here, eyes shifting away from direct eye contact, a nervous expression on his face.

“Aye, and you’re a wee guy wae anger issues, it seems. Got something in common at least.” I commented, and in response he just looked to the ground, fidgeting.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, I haven’t gotten much sleep lately because  _ someone _ keeps taking my little ones, and I get snappy when I’m tired.” He glared at Wambus again, who snorted in reply.

“I’ve not taken them, just take a look at me. Not got any Snak limbs.” He lifted a foot, pointing at it, much to my confusion.

“Uh, question? Snak limbs?” I asked. Wambus just looked at me funny.

“What, you don’t know? When you eat one of those pests, bits of you turn into them for a bit, then it fades away after a few days.” He explained, pointedly looking at Gramble as he said this.

I was disgusted. They ate shit that physically changed their body, and they didn’t find that at all disturbing?

“Suddenly, I’m not finding Bungers as cute...” I mumbled, catching Gramble’s attention.

It took him a second to process my statement, but once he did…

All that fury from before came charging right back. Of course, like anyone who had the heat of a thousand suns directed at them, I shit myself.

“Excuse me?! You better not be badmouthing my little ones!” He shouted, waddling up to me.

Despite my nerves from his expression, I couldn’t have a repeat of Wambus where I just sat there, pinky up my nose like a complete dumbass. Even I had pride, after all. So I bit back my nerves and spoke out.

“Well I don’t want to eat the critters, they stare back at me and it’s weird. Plus limbs turning into the things? Hell to the no! You should be glad you’ve got one less nutter eating those things.” I argued, catching both grumpuses off guard. “That shit ain’t natural or healthy.”

Gramble’s expression morphed from shock back to pure, unmoderated rage in a second, teeth bared once again.

“Ooooh… Like you’re any more natural! What even are you!? What did my little ones do to you?!” Gramble shouted, glaring up at me.

I flinched back, before stilling.

‘Oh, he went there, did he?’ Very quickly I could feel a cold fury settle into my chest as a sneer settled on my expression.

I stood there for a few seconds, looking down at Gramble.

Slowly leaning down, I stared him right in the eye as his expression morphed from righteous fury to hesitant fear.

“Listen here you little  _ rat _ , I don’t really care if you obsess over the freaky shit on this island. See them as your fucking pets or whatever. Just have some civility, for Christ’s sake. It’s not that hard to be a decent person.” I snarled out in an even tone.

Evidently Gramble had realised what he said, as he covered his mouth in shock, eyes widening. He let out a hushed “I’m so sorry!” before turning around and rushing off.

“Hmph, I reckon someone needs to teach that boy some manners.” Wambus concluded.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, standing straight.

“I’m gonna walk away from this now.” And with that, I turned my back, huffing.

Walking away from that mess, I sighed to myself, doing breathing exercises to keep myself from lashing out at anyone I would wind up walking by. I approached the campfire again, sitting on the log to help steady myself, finally beginning to calm down a bit. 

“Heeey, Alex! Whatcha doin’?” A familiar voice cut in, disrupting my peace.

“Whaddaya want, Filbo?” I grit out, keeping my temper in check and hoping to god he took the hint.

“U-Uh, well, I wanted to get to know you better, you know? It’s nice to make friends in a place like this!” He cheerfully declared.

Glancing at him, he looked genuinely excited to talk to me. It did bring a smile to my face, but I wasn’t in any state of mind to hold a conversation without ranting and raving. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, especially after what I saw yesterday, so I needed to be alone right now.

“Alright Filbo, I like you a helluva lot better than some of the other folk here, so I’m gonna tell you tae leave me alone before I snap, alright? We can talk later when I’m not on the verge of losing my mind.” I said evenly, looking Filbo in the eye.

He looked a bit down at that, but nodded. “Alright, I’ll come back later, and I’ll tell everyone not to bother you.”

I nodded thankfully at that, smiling a bit. “Cheers, Filbo, you seem like a swell guy.”

He laughed at that and made to say something, but stopped himself sheepishly.

“Hey, you’ll be okay, right?” He asked, concerned.

“Yeah, just need to calm down a bit.” I tried to make myself as friendly as possible seeing as that guy seemed like he would worry over every little thing if I didn't at least try to convey that I was gonna be fine.

“Uh, right, I’ll be out of your fur, now.” With that, he turned around and walked away, humming to himself.

Finally, with myself being alone, I began reflecting on everything that happened, and what I could do from here.

‘To go from getting run the fuck over by a speeding vehicle to having just walked away from an argument about food animals that takes “You are what you eat” way too literally. What the fuck is my life now?’ I shook my head in disbelief. ‘I’m stuck here trying to actually comprehend what happened today, while everyone else has a pissing contest over stupid shit…’ I growled to myself, frustration building up at the thought.

I just hoped things would go smoother from here.

But of course, knowing my luck with life, it wouldn’t go that way.

Just look at where I wound up, on some backwater island where the residents fucking hate each other.

I placed my hands over my face, letting out a sigh.

‘Why couldn’t I have just died like a normal guy…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I uploaded earlier than I said, so that's a positive.
> 
> For my standard this chapter is decent enough, and honestly I can't be arsed editing this part any more, I've got other parts to fix up.
> 
> Don't expect another early upload, Uni work takes priority.

**Author's Note:**

> I have more written, but quite frankly it's eh.
> 
> Not that this is any better mind you but I had to put something out there.
> 
> I'll prolly come back to this shit at some point and touch it up, but I've been doing this shit in my spare time and quite frankly I want to at least take a crack at uploading frequently.
> 
> Hopefully I can make good on that promise.
> 
> On a slightly less serious note, accents are hard to translate into text, despite me speaking with the same god damn accent.
> 
> Edit: Just updated the writing a bit, may upload the next chapter later on tonight.
> 
> Also cheers for the comments, gives me ideas and motivation.


End file.
